Know Your Legal Rights is a bi-monthly column distributed by the State Bar of Wisconsin. It is sponsored by the State Bar of Wisconsin’s Lawyer Referral Service (LRS), which connects Wisconsin residents with lawyers throughout the state. To find an attorney in your area, visit wislaw.org.
By Atty. Lisa Moore
One of the most common questions family law attorneys hear is: “At what age can my child decide which parent to live with?”
Many people believe that when a child reaches a certain age — such as 12, 14 or 16 — the child can simply choose where to live. In Wisconsin, that is not true.
There is no specific age at which a child gets to make the final decision.
Instead, Wisconsin courts focus on one main goal: the child’s best interests.
When a judge decides custody or physical placement, many factors are considered. A child’s wishes may be one of those factors, but they are only part of the overall picture.
Does the Court Listen to the Child?
Yes.
Wisconsin law allows a court to consider the wishes of the child. Depending on the situation, those wishes may be shared directly by the child or through a guardian ad litem, an attorney appointed to advise the court about the child’s best interests.
However, a child’s preference does not automatically determine where the child will live.
For example, a child may want to live with one parent because that parent has fewer rules, a later bedtime, or less supervision. A judge will look beyond those reasons and consider what arrangement best supports the child’s health, safety, education, and overall well-being.
Does Age Matter?
Age can make a difference.
Generally, the opinions of older and more mature children may carry more weight than the opinions of very young children. A teenager’s reasons for wanting to live with one parent may be taken more seriously than the wishes of a younger child who may not fully understand the situation.
Even so, the court remains responsible for deciding what is in the child’s best interests.
What Else Does a Judge Consider?
Wisconsin courts look at many factors, including:
- The child’s relationship with each parent.
- The amount of time each parent has spent caring for the child.
- The child’s adjustment to home, school, and community.
- The child’s need for stability and consistency.
- The ability of the parents to cooperate and communicate.
- Any concerns about abuse, neglect, substance abuse, or safety.
Every family is different, so judges examine the facts of each case carefully.
A Common Misunderstanding
Parents sometimes tell a child, “When you turn 13, you can choose where to live.”
That is a myth.
Wisconsin law does not let children decide custody or placement at any specific age, though their opinion may be considered.
The Bottom Line
If your child wants to spend more time with one parent, the court may listen. In Wisconsin, judges look at the whole situation and make decisions based on what they believe is best for the child—not simply on what the child wants.
In Wisconsin, judges look at the whole situation and make decisions based on what they believe is best for the child—not simply on what the child wants.
Lisa Moore is a partner at Karp & Iancu, S.C. where she focuses on family law and manages the firm’s West Bend office.
Know Your Legal Rights is a bi-monthly column distributed by the State Bar of Wisconsin. It is sponsored by the State Bar of Wisconsin’s Lawyer Referral Service (LRS), which connects Wisconsin residents with attorneys throughout the state. To find an attorney in your area, visit wislaw.org.
This article provides general information about Wisconsin law and is not legal advice. For advice about your specific situation, consult a qualified attorney.
