Wok & Roll by Peter Kwong, (Frederic) Inter-County Leader
» Download this column as a Word document
My wife loves to play games. Well, the games that involve boards and cards and that you have to keep scores.
She is an excellent player, but she doesn’t like to lose. She is very competitive; and even wearing a smile, her intentions and desires are to demolish my chance of winning by doing whatever she can. How can it be possible from such a sweet person? But, give her a deck of cards or a game board, everything changes.
We were taught and trained to be the champ our whole lives. Winning is everything! To be the second best is just not acceptable. Yes, tell that to our greatest coach, Vince Lombardi. His players didn’t just play well but also played with everything they had, and they got the trophy to prove that they were the very best.
Growing up in Hong Kong, I was a mediocre student, never excelled in anything except in activities outside of school. I won a few singing contests and a few painting competitions, but I didn’t know I was good at those activities, as my parents never encouraged me to pursue those interests. When I would show them the awards I received, all they would say was, “Great, why don’t you use the energy in studying so you will have better grades?” Oh well.
I enjoy playing board games and card games with my wife, as I am always luckier than she is. She is very skillful and plans her hand the minute the cards are dealt. I just play the cards as they are dealt. But somehow, I always get the cards I need and win the game.
She will congratulate me with a smile and shake my hand. But I always notice the daggers in her pretty eyes. Thank goodness that I do most of the cooking, and don’t have to worry about any rat poison in my pancakes.
Just after beating her at a game, I read a story a buddy sent me. The title is called “Losing is Winning.” What perfect timing. It is about the board game that a husband and wife play, and how the husband enjoys losing the game rather than winning. And here is the story:
“My wife enjoys watching the chess games that my buddy and I play on weekends, and she has been begging me to teach her how to play so we can spend some ‘quality time’ together. ‘What can go wrong?’ I asked myself, ‘and it is true that we can spend some quality time together; and who knows, it might lead to something romantic.’ I’ve been a dreamer all my life. So, the dream of playing a romantic chess game blossomed.
“The rules are quite easy and simple — the king can move only one step at a time, while the queen can move anywhere she wants. The rook (castle) can only go forward, backward and sideways, while the knight (horse) and bishop have their limits. The pawns can move one step at a time, but if one ever reaches the other side, it can turn into a queen. That’s it, simple rules indeed. So, we let the game begin. For a beginner, she plays quite well. While making lots of great moves, she hasn’t captured the true essence of the game yet. But then, she has begun her own new rules to her advantage.
First, she argues that the pawns should be able to move anywhere they want, as they are defending their king and queen from being jeopardized. How I can argue with that? And of course, new rules for the knights and bishops, in the name of protecting the royals.
“So, under her new rules, she wiped me out, won all three games that we played. Needless to say, her face was glowing with pride; and I noticed that there was even a sneer in her smile. I guess that’s how a winner should act.
“Then came the next morning, and I started to notice that there was something different in the air. First, there was a passionate hug, followed by my favorite breakfast — ham and eggs. The eggs were cooked over easy, the way I like them. Even the toast slices were buttered and spread with my favorite strawberry jam. That was just breakfast! Then it was pot roast for dinner, with a glass of my favorite wine on the side. I was speechless! Then I realized that by losing some games, I have discovered true love.
“Yes, we were trained to win since we were young. To be the very best, and to win in anything we do. Win and be the best, there is no substitution for being the champ. Articles will not be written about the second best; no pictures are taken either. Only the best will be glorified with songs written. But what a price to pay. Is it worth it? What does it prove? By losing a game (by choice), I am being rewarded with the time of my life — warm, affectionate hugs and kisses, my favorite meals that I didn’t even have to ask for, all waiting for me when I step into my house. All because I lost the games to my amateur wife.
“Then I started to think, what if I argued with her during the game and insisted that it was a dumb and illegal move that she made. Yes, and each and every move that she made. Instead, I would feel proud, superior, with a sense of ‘I’m better than thou,’ an attitude that would make her feel totally inferior and defeated. So, I would win the game, but did I really win?”
That was a rude awakening. My goodness, I have never thought that losing could be actually winning. The thought has never occurred to me, as I was taught that winning is everything. Yes, one has to sacrifice a lot in order to be a champ. But then, once you become a champ and have your moments of glory, then what else do you have left?
Yes, I love to win, but then I realize that winning is not everything. Give a little, and you have a lot back in return. Looking at my wife’s face after she beats me in a card game is totally priceless. She is glowing with pride and joy, and is absolutely ecstatic.
So, in the end, who won?
